I Can’t Think of Any Title For This…

…as much as i can’t think of anything to write in this text box. I haven’t posted anything for the past months. I don’t know why. Maybe I don’t have much time anymore to update my blog or maybe I’ve lost my creative and poetic juices. I hope it’s not the latter. I would like to believe it’s the first one. I have been quite busy inside the studio and traveling around places for work. For those who still don’t know what’s keeping me busy Iately, I am a pseudo-wedding photographer nowadays so I have spent the previous months taking photos, laying out albums, etc. I was that preoccupied that I haven’t finished reading the books I’ve started or watching the DVDs I bought or download the Top 40 songs. I haven’t even seen some of my friends lately. I just hope that in time, I’ll find the inspiration and the motivation to post the whatever things right off the top of my twisted head. Maybe, this post is the start and a portent before the awaited “I’m back to blogging in WordPress!”

Wish me luck, you twisted readers and writers!

Getting Old with Friends!

Guess what! It’s just the first month of the year but I got older again. I had my birthday on the 11th and my friend Alvyn Jean on the 6th. There was an earlier celebration with my family at home. It was an all-in-one dinner meaning, Liza’s and my birthday and Sarah’s sendoff party. I haven’t got the chance to invite some of my friends to come over. I wanted to celebrate my 22nd birthday with my friends so Alvyn and I planned a night out. Initially, the planned date should be on the 13th but the weather wasn’t good and it turned out that some of them were on duty that day. So after having that situation, we had to postpone the get-together and wait for their new duty schedules so that we’d know when all of us would be free. Their scheds came and we saved the 25th as our date.

The day of our celebration came and Alvyn and Casey dropped by at the shop in the afternoon. We took some snapshots at the studio as we killed time. We went to Good Taste Legarda at around 7 PM. Bebet, Jhenne, Cherith, Rozen and Jeff joined us for dinner.I handled the bill which was P1,190. Unfortunately, the “in-love” Jhenne and the “working girl” Jeff had to leave after that. We then decided to go to Chairman’s KTV. Jonrich came to join us and brandished a box of pizza. I dunno how he was able to hide that from the staff when he entered. Caring came at the last minute with fries in a styro.We were able to chow down the greasy food without staff knowing about it. No corkage due! We had to end the night as some are having their shifts early the next day. Alvyn took care of the bill, which coincidentally, was also P1,190! Go figure.

It was a happy night. Well, every moment with my friends is extra special—with all that food, photo moments, singing, laughter and a little bit of landian. Having them around to celebrate with is already enough to make me happy, the gifts are just a bonus. And before I get more mushier than the mushy person I am today, I want to say that I hope and pray to celebrate one another’s birthdays with them  in more years to come… Salamat at kumpleto kami kahit wala iyong iba.

Flipping Through 2012

As I rummage through my bag, I can’t help but to take notice of my oak wood-bound organizer. I forgot to write my activities for the past several days as I was quite busy during the holidays. I decided to write about how I spent my Christmas and some out of town trips with friends and family. My December entries were on the last six pages of my little brown book. All of the pages are on the verge of being field. Days from now, I would be keeping my organizer into my stash. So while it’s still serving it’s worth for this year, I turned the pages back to January and recollected 2012.

 

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I went through my January entries and saw that it was one of the most jam-packed months I’ve had this year. I was still active in the EMS. My body was still aching from our extensive trainings we’ve had last year but we needed to return to our base and complete our duty hours. It was also my birth month but I celebrated my 21st birthday away from home. I enjoyed sharing my two caked with the groups though before we had another bone-breaking emergency drill.

 
February came and I was still quite busy with the EMS during the first half of the month. We had a chance to go to one of my hometowns, Sagada, to volunteer as medical standbys for the mountain bike race during the Lang-ay Festival. Valentine’s Day came and I let it pass by with the company of my EMS pals. I sometimes drop by my sister’s shop and help get orders and deliveries. I’ve tried hanging out at a new coffee spot, the Ebai’s.

March was the start of the summer in the Philippines. I got addicted to the tanning mousse and hot iron curlers! It was my first time to have a coffee date with my friend, Bebet, this year being away from Baguio for several months. Glenn also passed their MedTech board exams! Aunt Melba got home from Canada for a several weeks vacation. I was quite her constant companion which I very much enjoyed doing! Lots of receiving hand downs and eating out. Our friends also introduced me to a very potential hang-out—The Fireplace at Villa Cordillera. It was also the start of Casey’s KTV addiction. LOL!

April, the month I started to be homebound. I still got to meet up with friends over coffee and KTV. Aunt Melba was still here so there were more night outs. My grandma got hospitalized and so I had to turn myself back into becoming a nurse. My EMS pals thought we missed each other so we organized a get together. My first godson, Luis Ezekiel, was born. I had my first haircut this year. The last time I had one was December last year.

I’ve turned into a total bum by the month of May. There were many blank spaces in my May calendar. I practically spent my days reading books and watching TV series. Casey and Jeff’s addiction to KTV became worse. We frequented Kalei’s Grill, Roof Garden and The Fireplace.

Rainy June came. I dunno what got into my friends’ mind that made them want to camp in the middle of a storm. We had a photo shoot under the rain which was quite fun. We went home to Mt. Province to celebrate our grandma’s Diamond birthday. Casey, Rozen and I became quite a fixture in Villa Cordillera. Haha. I also enrolled in a driving school.

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July was the start of the second half of the year. It was my mother’s birth month and I bought her a bag. My Uncle Nestor continued teaching me driving for weeks. I noticed we haven’t been to Starbucks lately. We got caffeinated at The Fireplace, Kalei’s Grill and Session Cafe. We thought we wanted a different coffee spot so we tried PNKY. I was also back to Kaffee Klatsch after several years. I continued reading the second book of Percy Jackson, the first one I read last year. I got so engrossed that I read the sequels one book a day. I finished the ten seasons of Friends.

August was quite busy for me. I got my first traffic violation resulting to minor injuries of two persons and a damaged motorcycle! It was so nerve-racking but thanks to Casey for bringing me to the spa to relax. I, Casey, and Rozen hung-out at The Fireplace for like on a weekly basis. We also went to La Union to celebrate another grandma’s birthday. Our baking class started. I finished watching three different DVD series. It was also Jhen and Bebet’s birthdays. I also got a new crush—but ONLY FOR ONE NIGHT! Casey, don’t get me started on that again. Haha!

The Ber months started with September. Lots celebrated their birthdays this month- Casey, Karen, Glenn, my grandma, etc. It was also my parents’ wedding anniversary. There were more hanging out at The Fireplace again. It was also when I fell in love with Mr. Christian Grey. My grandaunt died which was sad. I got to have a coffee at Starbucks again after several months. God, I missed saying “venti”! We had an assessment on our baking class in which I failed. It was depressing as it was only my second time to fail! The first time was on our Chemistry subject during college sophomore. Casey told my crush that I got a crush on him. She failed to tell that it was FOR ONE NIGHT ONLY! Aldrin got home from Australia and he treated us to Army Navy, The Fireplace and Pizza Hut.

It was only on its 2nd day that I realized that it was already October. I made lots of cakes, pies, and cookies which, luckily, the kids liked. I had the chance to drive again. I started womanning Liza’s shop again. My mother got her gallbladder removed. I turned into a Starbucks junkie again!

My November calendar was definitely the most filled one. 28 boxes out of the 30. I lost weight after 3 days of upset tummy. I changed into my geeky mode while doing Sarah’s essay. There were more coffee dates because we were collecting stickers for the 2013 Starbucks planner. I had my second haircut of the year. I turned into a bookworm again. I finished 2-3 books a week. I completed my sticker card and got my green 2013 planner with just 6 coffee dates. It was my most caffeinated month.

And here comes the last month of the year- December. We still go to Starbucks a lot. I am planning to complete another sticker card. I’ve been downloading lots of movies lately. My college blockmate, Lanie, got married. I also happened to have my first fever for years. The last one was when I was in grade school. We also frequented Chairman’s KTV. Sarah, Bradley and Ashi came for the holidays. We also stayed at a resort in Bolinao for two days with my sisters and their friends. It was supposed to be the end of the world as the Mayans predicted. I was waiting for a tsunami to wash us away but nothing happened. Then the next day, we went to Sea Park Resort in La Union, this time, with the family. Talk about getting tanned in December! I dropped two of my phones into the water. At least the better of the two is still quite functional. Ashi returned to Hong Kong. At least we’ve got to spend another Christmas together. I also got my Starbucks pen sans the 100 pesos discount. I am also making another essay for Sarah which I am taking a break from just to write this one. Haha

So that pretty much summarizes my 2012. I’m not sure if it was that exciting but at least I got over it with lesser drama. I have met new people, been to new places, felt and done something new. It was a year of new discoveries. I now have a bigger, more spacious 2013 day planner. Will I get to fill all of the calendar entries, list more songs to sing in the KTV, more coffee dates or maybe travel abroad and meet new boyfriends? Well, let’s see.

:)

 

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Lanie’s Wedding

Another wedding happens! One night, Lanie texted me to save a date, December 12, 2012. Apparently, she’s going to get married! She formally gave the invites over coffee at Starbucks Technohub Camp John Hay. Finally, 12/12/12 came and we witnessed the ceremony at Baguio Palace Hotel along Legarda Road. It’s just sad that only 5 of us from Block 16 were able to go- Cherith, Casey, Jhen, Allysa and I. The others were at work or somewhere else.

It was a happy event though. I love the couple’s attires which came from India. We also got to taste some Indian cuisines and have lots of picture taking at the hallways and the gray-tiled restroom! :)

Congratulations Lanie and Harris!

No….Yes

I couldn’t help but but feel nostalgic as I stood in front of my favorite restaurant. It was an Italian restaurant where Evan took me on our first date and on our three anniversaries of being together. It is where we head out when we wanted something edible besides the Chinese and Indian food we take out from the store across our apartment. I’ve practically tasted everything on their menu. I wonder if they’ve added something new. It’s been a while.

“Good evening Miss Margaret.” the familiar doorman politely greeted me. I nodded and smiled in return. I scanned the room for my date. Luckily, I found him immediately. He looked dapper in his three-piece suit. His tie was slightly loosed around his neck. He might have noticed someone staring at him  and so he turned his face towards me. He stood up as he waited for me to reach out table.

“You look gorgeous tonight, as always.” He put a light peck on my cheek then he moved to help me sit on my chair. “I would look more gorgeous if I was given another half an hour to fix my hair but I was afraid I’m going to be late if that happened.” I joked.

He chuckled, “It was good then that you were short of time or I would have died out of hunger.” Then he stared at me with adoring eyes, “But no matter how you dressed or styled your hair tonight, you are perfect.”

I just smiled back at him. I remember those times when Evan would compliment the way I look, the way I move, the way I do everything. I didn’t believe him at first but he kept on telling it again and again that I believed him. It’s one of the many things I loved about him. he made me feel good even at my worst.

A waiter tended us and we gave our orders. The sommelier approached our table with an expensive bottle of Marsala and poured our glasses. Evan taught me the art of wine-tasting. I actually enjoyed it. We had so much fun that night that we became tipsy because we downed three different wines. We ended up leaving his car on the parking lot an hailing a cab home. But tonight, I refused to drink and opted the sparkling water instead.

Our food came which we ate in between exchanging stories. The dishes were cleared out before the waiters came back to set the platters and cutlery for our dessert. It was tiramisu which I loved. Evan was the one who enlightened me that tiramisu is an Italian dessert. I really thought it was Japanese before!

I started with my dessert when the good-looking man in front of me asked, “Did you know that tiramisu means pick me up?“Before saying “I know”, he stood from his chair and walked towards me. He kneeled at the side of my chair. Is he doing what I think he is doing? In answer to my question, he got something from his breast pocket. A small velvet box. He opened it then just before my eyes was an enormous diamond ring. It was breath taking. “Margaret, we’ve been together for quite some time now and I just feel that this is the right moment to say this. I love you. Will you pick me up from here? Will you marry me?”

Memories of my time with Evan sprang out from the back of my mind. We were happy together. I never thought I could be that happy being with someone. We were happy but there were also moments that were a big let down. Like when we got pregnant but I miscarried on the 8th week. There was that moment when we haven’t had a real conversation for days. The doctor said my uterus was not a conducive place for the baby to grow but it doesn’t mean I can’t carry a full-term baby. I just need to take some medications and take are of my health. Evan didn’t say anything bad towards me. It’s like we had a mutual silent agreement not to talk about what happened. But I still felt he is blaming me or was it my guilt making me feel that? After that, everything between us changed.

I go back to the present and to the question. Will you marry me? How do I answer that ? It’s the second time I’ve been asked with the same question. I hated close-ended question types. I cannot reason out, I cannot give excuses. I remember the first time I was asked with the same question. It was also in this restaurant. I said “yes” simply because I loved the one who asked it. Somehow, I think to myself, I wouldn’t want to dine here anymore. What am I going to say this time? I noticed that the other tables were staring at us, or at me, waiting for my response. I look back at the man kneeling in front of me. I don’t love him. But before I gave him my honest answer, my attention was caught by a couple who just entered the restaurant that my mouth was left gaping. They were holding hands, the guy was whispering something to the girl as she giggled. They stopped their tracks as they noticed the situation going on. I stared at their intertwined fingers and didn’t fail to see a big diamond ring on the girl’s finger. So it’s true, he proposed to her. He asked her to marry him. To have his babies. To spend her life with him,like, forever. Realization dawned to me. I am hopeless. I  felt my heart constrict as my mouth dried. I just felt tears running through my eyes. I stared at the man who just entered, the man who asked the first “Will you marry me?”. I mentally sent him a message. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.

Then I turned to the man proposing to me. I changed my mind. I said, “Yes Noah, I want you to make me your wife. You’re going to be a father after all. I’m 9 weeks pregnant.”

The crowd cheered while I died inside. Goodbye Evan.

November Get-Together

 

It’s already November and Starbucks is already giving out their stickers for the 2013 planners. And being coffeeholics and planner savvies, we started going out to our fave coffeeshop weekly. And since some of our friends are in the city this week, we planned another nightout. Glenn’s stayed here for a while after coming from a seminar in La Union. You’d be surprised to know that it’s a rare case for here to go home at 3 AM sober! Lanie and her fiancé, Harris also dropped by to give out their invites for their December wedding. Jhen came with her mom and sister, which I am thankful for for the stickers! Then after taking some photos, we decided we were hungry so we headed out for dinner. Casey,  Jhen, Jhen’s mom and sister stayed though and waited for May. Casey said she’d meet up with us later so we have to dine nearby the coffee shop. We were’nt interested with any of the food around Cap John Hay so we went back to town. Sorry Casey! We had our dinner at Zola where we all ordered baby back ribs and shakes. Jeff had to hit the road earlier than us because of work.  Kim and Jopat also showed up straight from the bus terminal, after coming from Manila which is very thoughtful of them. At least we had some photos taken together with them. Casey and her cousin and a friend came minutes just before we are about to leave. It was 12 when we left the resto. The couple headed home to rest and Cherith went to work. That left Me, Glenn, Casey and her company. They wanted to go to a karaoke bar so we tagged along with them. We headed out to Chairman’s which thankful, upgraded their karaoke machine and playlist (some of the songs are still on Billboard Top 100). After two hours of singing, we decided to end the night, sober.

A Table for Two

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She was wearing her favorite pastel blue dress when she entered the restaurant. The maître d’ knowingly welcomed and led her to her reserved table. A table for two. It’s not her first time to come here after all. A young waiter approached her with the menu on his hands. She smiled at him and lifted her palm to stop him before he presented her the menu. “Don’t bother. Just a bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon please.” she said with a smile instead. The waiter politely nodded then set off. Her eyes travelled around at the amazing interior. It seems like nothing has changed in the past months. It has been four months since the last time she went here. The waiter arrived with the chilled wine bottle in a bucket of ice followed by another familiar waitress with a tray off wine glasses. The waitress smiled at her. “Good evening Madame Jacob. It’s nice seeing you again. I’m surprised!Will your husband be running late tonight?” the middle-aged waitress asked her. She smiled and nodded meekly in answer before the two left her after the glasses were filled with the wine.

She didn’t bother to tell the familiar staff that she would be dining alone tonight. Didn’t even bother telling them that she won’t be needing the extra glass placed opposite her. She just let them think she was waiting for her husband. With her well manicured hand, she reached for the glass in front of her and lifted it. She let the rim of the glass touch the tip of her lower lip as she smelled the pungent aroma. She liked the smell as she liked her wine, bittersweet. She took her first sip, indulging into the rush of warm sensation that ran through her body. “I can get used to drinking this.” she silently told herself.

Mrs. Jacob ordered a Waldorf salad. She didn’t want to down the whole bottle with an empty stomach. She wanted to be sober at least for a little longer. She wanted to remember the details of her marriage vividly. She smiled. It’s their fourth wedding anniversary tonight. Oh how she wanted to recall the times.

She remembered their first anniversary. She was so happy to wake up beside him that morning. Beatriz couldn’t believe that she had been Mrs. Jacob for exactly a year that day. Beatriz stared at the face of her sleeping husband. She kissed him and whispered, “I love you.”

Her husband stirred and woke up. “I’m not Sleeping Beauty, but thank you for that wake up kiss.”, he said smilingly. Beatriz giggled as her husband cuddled and kissed her.

They were out of breath when they stopped. “Dress up nicely later. I’m taking you somewhere fancy tonight. Happy anniversary, Bee.” he said as he kissed her again.

On their second anniversary, she woke up with a breakfast tray on her bedside table. A cup of coffee, orange, bacon, waffle, and a stem of tulip. She read the note attached to the flower. Good morning Mrs. Jacob. I’m out for work early. Pick you up at 7-ish? Two years and forever. Love, Your Mr. Jacob.  She was surprised with the breakfast in bed. She can’t help but be touched by the gesture since her husband didn’t know the map of their kitchen. She finished all the served food. Later that night, Mr. Jacob brought her to the same restaurant where he brought her on their first anniversary date.

On their third anniversary, she thought of doing something naughty. She woke up earlier than her husband and stuck a note on the alarm clock on the bedside table saying, Skip breakfast, maybe? There’s something or SOMEONE more delectable in the bathroom. She donned her Victoria’s Secret lingerie she bought the day before. She placed her iPod, filled with sexy songs she searched over the internet, and speakers on the sink counter. She waited for some minutes and chose to sit in the bathtub. She ended up sleeping instead and was woken up by a blasting “My Sharona” from the speakers. Then she saw her husband with his hip resting on the counter, arms crossed, watching her amusingly with a grin on his face.

“I wanted to eat something or someone delectable but I found out she was sleeping.”  Bee frowned, feeling disappointed by her failed seduction. Her husband laughed at her as she walked towards her and helped her stand up.

“I’m sorry, I’m not really a good seductress.” she said embarrassingly, blushing.

“Said who? I find you sexy. The sexiest, in fact.”, he chuckled as he reached and enclosed her in her arms.

“I will make it up to you tonight. Wear something nice, I’m taking you somewhere fancy.” she hugged him back, saying the words he said to her on their first anniversary.

“It’s a date then.” he chided. He released her and looked at her face with glint in his eyes, “But I’m already hungry. Is your offer of something or someone delectable still up?”

Bee remembered all those dates together with all the memories that happened in between them. All their lovemaking, their silence, the fights, the make-ups, the love. Then she noticed, she almost downed the whole bottle alone for herself. She was feeling tipsy already and didn’t want to finish the one-third left. She raised her hand to catch the attention of a waiter passing by and asked for the bill. After she paid and left a big amount of stood from her seat. She felt the head rush so she placed her arms on the table for support. The waiter kindly offered to guide her to the doorway but she declined. “Oh no need. I can manage. I will just ask the doorman to hail me a cab. Besides, it’s a busy night for you. Thank you for the kind offer.”, she said sincerely. The waiter didn’t sound convinced but didn’t bother to ask her again. Mrs. Jacob picked her purse and started to head to the door. With a slow and straight gait, she was surprised to know that she was not that intoxicated after having several glasses of wine. The doorman was busy talking to a newly arrived group of diners which she was glad about. She didn’t want anyone to offer to usher her. She reached the parking lot and got in to her car. She turned the radio on and tuned it to a Blues station. She rested her head on the headrest and stared at the green dashboard clock. It’s two hours and several minutes before twelve. She continued sitting idly as Ella Fitzgerald sang in the background. The day of their wedding anniversary is not yet over. It’s her first time to spend this day alone, no conversations. They usually lasted this day with lovemaking in their apartment. Then realization dawned that that would never happen again. “Never again,” she closed her eyes as tears streamed from her eyes, “never again.”

”Y-you are so unfair Eric. I-I hate you right now. You are very unfair.” she said faintly as tears continued pouring down her cheeks. Her silent cry turned to sobbing. She rested her arms and head forward to the steering wheel. Just tonight, let me cry again. She cannot believe that in just one night, she remembered almost the whole of the four years they’ve been together. The sadness felt heavier as she realized that the four years they have been together was not enough for her. She wanted more. Wanted forever. But she knew it’s impossible. He is gone and not coming back. The flashback of the four years of companionship was indeed a flash. Just like their marriage, it started but suddenly ended. Just like how fast his husband’s life was taken. She remembered that night four months ago…
She received a call telling her that her husband had a car accident. She rushed into the hospital, praying and hoping that everything will turn out fine. She arrived at the hospital, six minutes after Eric’s life was gone. Then everything weren’t the same.

She snapped back to the present time, inside her car. She wiped her wet cheeks with her hands. The sobbing stopped. It’s time to go home, she told herself. She started her car and exited to the main road. Billie Holiday is serenading, singing “Without Your Love” on the background .

“I miss you, Eric. I love you.”she said. Tears started coming out again. She wanted to stop crying but she just can’t. I’m tired and sleepy, damn that wine, she thought, as gravity pulled down her eyelids. Billie Holiday was still singing, with car horns joining the jazzy band. “In another life, Mr. Jacob.”

What Writers Dread: The Block

I wish that my mind is like a lemon– juicy. Because nowadays, I’ve been missing my tall glass of creative juices. I’ve been having this writer’s block for months already that’s why I haven’t clicked the “New Post” tab just yet. I mean, I am writing a new post now but this is different. I miss writing fiction! The last time I’ve written a short story was like two months ago. I tried making a new one and I actually started writing. I already have names for the main characters and have conceptualized on their personalities. Hell, I already knew how to end it but the only thing missing is how to thicken the plot! How do I make it exciting or how do I even make someone read it through the end? I thought I should read other books or watch movies or TV series to gain inspiration but still, my brain is idle! Well, I think I should continue reading and watching before I come up with a decent story. Ta-ta for now.