I Can’t Think of Any Title For This…

…as much as i can’t think of anything to write in this text box. I haven’t posted anything for the past months. I don’t know why. Maybe I don’t have much time anymore to update my blog or maybe I’ve lost my creative and poetic juices. I hope it’s not the latter. I would like to believe it’s the first one. I have been quite busy inside the studio and traveling around places for work. For those who still don’t know what’s keeping me busy Iately, I am a pseudo-wedding photographer nowadays so I have spent the previous months taking photos, laying out albums, etc. I was that preoccupied that I haven’t finished reading the books I’ve started or watching the DVDs I bought or download the Top 40 songs. I haven’t even seen some of my friends lately. I just hope that in time, I’ll find the inspiration and the motivation to post the whatever things right off the top of my twisted head. Maybe, this post is the start and a portent before the awaited “I’m back to blogging in WordPress!”

Wish me luck, you twisted readers and writers!

I said “Move on.” but I ask “What now?”

It’s already 12:19AM when  I started writing this thing. I just came from a night-out with some friends—the people who know about what I’m feeling. Our last destination was a cafe where someone we know frequents. but he was not there tonight. But still, knowing that he was not there made me look around to see his familiar face. And tonight, I just want to say whatever is off top of my head. And since this i my personal blog, I will blab away.

I know the following things I’m about to write are kind of juvenile, if not totally. It’s like high school all over again which by the way, is seven years past. And oh, Mariah is singing “Love Takes Time” as I’m doing this. What a mood-booster!

So here it is. it’s about a boy I’m having a crush on. I told you it’s like high school! But it’s not that usual crush-on-a-cute-guy-at-first-sight thing. The problem is that I’ve been friends with him for like over six years already. We’ve been classmates during our freshmen and sophomore years in college. Then we still kept on bumping with each other cuz we remained schoolmates afterwards even though we transferred colleges. We’ve been out to clubs, dinner dates, sleepovers, movies, out-of-town trips and did whatever things together with our peers. We even slept at each other’s sides after a house party without any malice. I’ve known some of his exes. Been even friends to one. I saw his happy trails. Seen him cry because of needles and cockroaches. I’ve known his crushes and witnessed other girls grow a crush on him. Typically, it’s how you become friends with a guy.

But what if some things change and that includes developing a “more than friends” thing? I thought it was really weird. It just happened one night during a routine coffee date with friends (August 21 according to my 2012 day planner). I thought he was really cute that night. I wasn’t even high on something that night. I’m supposed to have immunity against his charms! We were bantering about something and he jokingly punched me on my shoulder. I remember him doing that to our classmates before but never to me. The bantering went on for some minutes. I even stabbed his hand with a fork and I pinched him several times because he was hollering that I have a crush on the band’s drummer playing that night. Which was actually true. As usual, Casey did not fail to tell him! Then we had to leave earlier than them. I kiddingly hugged his back. And it was warm. Nothing that I have ever felt before which was again, really weird, since I’ve been intertwining my arms with him before.

I thought things over and decided I had a crush on him for one night, ONLY! I told that to Casey, which was not a good idea cuz he relayed it to him on her birthday party. Then our other friends knew about it. They would pair us up on our FB group page for fun. I would ride on with their jokes and he would too. Then he would seem to be pissed because I always had a come-back.  Then one time, while were having lunch with some friends at Pizza Hut, the crush stuff came into surface again with the help of Casey. He told that he blocked me cuz he was kinda annoyed but decided to lift it because he might not see the photos with our friends that I have taken. What the heck!? I was shocked and was close to tears, which some of them noticed. I checked it when I got home and there was the ‘Add as a friend’ button. I texted him “I hate you!”. He texted back and said that I add him back and so I did. But it turned out that he declined it. I was really okay with the rejection of my feelings but blocking me just because of a petty reason just gave me the idea that the friendship was really not that important. Maybe he doesn’t want a connection. Okay, maybe I overreacted because of taking that FB situation seriously but duh, it really sucked big time! We acted normal afterwards. I would still joke about me having a crush on him. When friends ask me about it, I always tell the IT WAS A ONE NIGHT THING ONLY!!!

But who was i kidding when I myself felt that it was not really a one night thing only? It’s been months since August 21, 2012 and here I am, thinking about him. I already know that this feeling won’t get us closer to that more than friends level. Our friendship wasn’t the same anymore. I can’t talk to him properly sometimes. I don’t know what’s been up to lately like before. He doesn’t text back. I knew that it would be very impossible. I’ve accepted that fact and that’s why i decided to move on. I know it’s still a shallow feeling but it’s still quite hard to do. We still go out with our friends and he even came to my birthday blowout. We would still banter and our friend would still pair us up for fun. I thought I’m gonna be over him easily but what the heck?! He would still cross my mind whenever I listen to a sad or happy love song. Whenever I see something that involve The Beatles or Iron Man. There are times that I would see him in my dreams even just for a glimpse and mind you, no more than hugging happened.

I tried thinking about his negative traits—he’s got a beer belly, he’s short, he’s an evolving alcoholic and wears Crocs. But still, I would always hear how beautiful his voice when he sings, how sweet he is with our girl friends, what a responsible son and brother he is and how good he is with kids. I still say that I’m going to be over him. Will i still give that perfume when we see each other next time or not? When will I be over him? I hope sooner….

Getting Old with Friends!

Guess what! It’s just the first month of the year but I got older again. I had my birthday on the 11th and my friend Alvyn Jean on the 6th. There was an earlier celebration with my family at home. It was an all-in-one dinner meaning, Liza’s and my birthday and Sarah’s sendoff party. I haven’t got the chance to invite some of my friends to come over. I wanted to celebrate my 22nd birthday with my friends so Alvyn and I planned a night out. Initially, the planned date should be on the 13th but the weather wasn’t good and it turned out that some of them were on duty that day. So after having that situation, we had to postpone the get-together and wait for their new duty schedules so that we’d know when all of us would be free. Their scheds came and we saved the 25th as our date.

The day of our celebration came and Alvyn and Casey dropped by at the shop in the afternoon. We took some snapshots at the studio as we killed time. We went to Good Taste Legarda at around 7 PM. Bebet, Jhenne, Cherith, Rozen and Jeff joined us for dinner.I handled the bill which was P1,190. Unfortunately, the “in-love” Jhenne and the “working girl” Jeff had to leave after that. We then decided to go to Chairman’s KTV. Jonrich came to join us and brandished a box of pizza. I dunno how he was able to hide that from the staff when he entered. Caring came at the last minute with fries in a styro.We were able to chow down the greasy food without staff knowing about it. No corkage due! We had to end the night as some are having their shifts early the next day. Alvyn took care of the bill, which coincidentally, was also P1,190! Go figure.

It was a happy night. Well, every moment with my friends is extra special—with all that food, photo moments, singing, laughter and a little bit of landian. Having them around to celebrate with is already enough to make me happy, the gifts are just a bonus. And before I get more mushier than the mushy person I am today, I want to say that I hope and pray to celebrate one another’s birthdays with them  in more years to come… Salamat at kumpleto kami kahit wala iyong iba.

Flipping Through 2012

As I rummage through my bag, I can’t help but to take notice of my oak wood-bound organizer. I forgot to write my activities for the past several days as I was quite busy during the holidays. I decided to write about how I spent my Christmas and some out of town trips with friends and family. My December entries were on the last six pages of my little brown book. All of the pages are on the verge of being field. Days from now, I would be keeping my organizer into my stash. So while it’s still serving it’s worth for this year, I turned the pages back to January and recollected 2012.

 

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I went through my January entries and saw that it was one of the most jam-packed months I’ve had this year. I was still active in the EMS. My body was still aching from our extensive trainings we’ve had last year but we needed to return to our base and complete our duty hours. It was also my birth month but I celebrated my 21st birthday away from home. I enjoyed sharing my two caked with the groups though before we had another bone-breaking emergency drill.

 
February came and I was still quite busy with the EMS during the first half of the month. We had a chance to go to one of my hometowns, Sagada, to volunteer as medical standbys for the mountain bike race during the Lang-ay Festival. Valentine’s Day came and I let it pass by with the company of my EMS pals. I sometimes drop by my sister’s shop and help get orders and deliveries. I’ve tried hanging out at a new coffee spot, the Ebai’s.

March was the start of the summer in the Philippines. I got addicted to the tanning mousse and hot iron curlers! It was my first time to have a coffee date with my friend, Bebet, this year being away from Baguio for several months. Glenn also passed their MedTech board exams! Aunt Melba got home from Canada for a several weeks vacation. I was quite her constant companion which I very much enjoyed doing! Lots of receiving hand downs and eating out. Our friends also introduced me to a very potential hang-out—The Fireplace at Villa Cordillera. It was also the start of Casey’s KTV addiction. LOL!

April, the month I started to be homebound. I still got to meet up with friends over coffee and KTV. Aunt Melba was still here so there were more night outs. My grandma got hospitalized and so I had to turn myself back into becoming a nurse. My EMS pals thought we missed each other so we organized a get together. My first godson, Luis Ezekiel, was born. I had my first haircut this year. The last time I had one was December last year.

I’ve turned into a total bum by the month of May. There were many blank spaces in my May calendar. I practically spent my days reading books and watching TV series. Casey and Jeff’s addiction to KTV became worse. We frequented Kalei’s Grill, Roof Garden and The Fireplace.

Rainy June came. I dunno what got into my friends’ mind that made them want to camp in the middle of a storm. We had a photo shoot under the rain which was quite fun. We went home to Mt. Province to celebrate our grandma’s Diamond birthday. Casey, Rozen and I became quite a fixture in Villa Cordillera. Haha. I also enrolled in a driving school.

PicMonkey Collage

July was the start of the second half of the year. It was my mother’s birth month and I bought her a bag. My Uncle Nestor continued teaching me driving for weeks. I noticed we haven’t been to Starbucks lately. We got caffeinated at The Fireplace, Kalei’s Grill and Session Cafe. We thought we wanted a different coffee spot so we tried PNKY. I was also back to Kaffee Klatsch after several years. I continued reading the second book of Percy Jackson, the first one I read last year. I got so engrossed that I read the sequels one book a day. I finished the ten seasons of Friends.

August was quite busy for me. I got my first traffic violation resulting to minor injuries of two persons and a damaged motorcycle! It was so nerve-racking but thanks to Casey for bringing me to the spa to relax. I, Casey, and Rozen hung-out at The Fireplace for like on a weekly basis. We also went to La Union to celebrate another grandma’s birthday. Our baking class started. I finished watching three different DVD series. It was also Jhen and Bebet’s birthdays. I also got a new crush—but ONLY FOR ONE NIGHT! Casey, don’t get me started on that again. Haha!

The Ber months started with September. Lots celebrated their birthdays this month- Casey, Karen, Glenn, my grandma, etc. It was also my parents’ wedding anniversary. There were more hanging out at The Fireplace again. It was also when I fell in love with Mr. Christian Grey. My grandaunt died which was sad. I got to have a coffee at Starbucks again after several months. God, I missed saying “venti”! We had an assessment on our baking class in which I failed. It was depressing as it was only my second time to fail! The first time was on our Chemistry subject during college sophomore. Casey told my crush that I got a crush on him. She failed to tell that it was FOR ONE NIGHT ONLY! Aldrin got home from Australia and he treated us to Army Navy, The Fireplace and Pizza Hut.

It was only on its 2nd day that I realized that it was already October. I made lots of cakes, pies, and cookies which, luckily, the kids liked. I had the chance to drive again. I started womanning Liza’s shop again. My mother got her gallbladder removed. I turned into a Starbucks junkie again!

My November calendar was definitely the most filled one. 28 boxes out of the 30. I lost weight after 3 days of upset tummy. I changed into my geeky mode while doing Sarah’s essay. There were more coffee dates because we were collecting stickers for the 2013 Starbucks planner. I had my second haircut of the year. I turned into a bookworm again. I finished 2-3 books a week. I completed my sticker card and got my green 2013 planner with just 6 coffee dates. It was my most caffeinated month.

And here comes the last month of the year- December. We still go to Starbucks a lot. I am planning to complete another sticker card. I’ve been downloading lots of movies lately. My college blockmate, Lanie, got married. I also happened to have my first fever for years. The last one was when I was in grade school. We also frequented Chairman’s KTV. Sarah, Bradley and Ashi came for the holidays. We also stayed at a resort in Bolinao for two days with my sisters and their friends. It was supposed to be the end of the world as the Mayans predicted. I was waiting for a tsunami to wash us away but nothing happened. Then the next day, we went to Sea Park Resort in La Union, this time, with the family. Talk about getting tanned in December! I dropped two of my phones into the water. At least the better of the two is still quite functional. Ashi returned to Hong Kong. At least we’ve got to spend another Christmas together. I also got my Starbucks pen sans the 100 pesos discount. I am also making another essay for Sarah which I am taking a break from just to write this one. Haha

So that pretty much summarizes my 2012. I’m not sure if it was that exciting but at least I got over it with lesser drama. I have met new people, been to new places, felt and done something new. It was a year of new discoveries. I now have a bigger, more spacious 2013 day planner. Will I get to fill all of the calendar entries, list more songs to sing in the KTV, more coffee dates or maybe travel abroad and meet new boyfriends? Well, let’s see.

:)

 

Bring it on 2013!IMG_4400

Lanie’s Wedding

Another wedding happens! One night, Lanie texted me to save a date, December 12, 2012. Apparently, she’s going to get married! She formally gave the invites over coffee at Starbucks Technohub Camp John Hay. Finally, 12/12/12 came and we witnessed the ceremony at Baguio Palace Hotel along Legarda Road. It’s just sad that only 5 of us from Block 16 were able to go- Cherith, Casey, Jhen, Allysa and I. The others were at work or somewhere else.

It was a happy event though. I love the couple’s attires which came from India. We also got to taste some Indian cuisines and have lots of picture taking at the hallways and the gray-tiled restroom! :)

Congratulations Lanie and Harris!

No….Yes

I couldn’t help but but feel nostalgic as I stood in front of my favorite restaurant. It was an Italian restaurant where Evan took me on our first date and on our three anniversaries of being together. It is where we head out when we wanted something edible besides the Chinese and Indian food we take out from the store across our apartment. I’ve practically tasted everything on their menu. I wonder if they’ve added something new. It’s been a while.

“Good evening Miss Margaret.” the familiar doorman politely greeted me. I nodded and smiled in return. I scanned the room for my date. Luckily, I found him immediately. He looked dapper in his three-piece suit. His tie was slightly loosed around his neck. He might have noticed someone staring at him  and so he turned his face towards me. He stood up as he waited for me to reach out table.

“You look gorgeous tonight, as always.” He put a light peck on my cheek then he moved to help me sit on my chair. “I would look more gorgeous if I was given another half an hour to fix my hair but I was afraid I’m going to be late if that happened.” I joked.

He chuckled, “It was good then that you were short of time or I would have died out of hunger.” Then he stared at me with adoring eyes, “But no matter how you dressed or styled your hair tonight, you are perfect.”

I just smiled back at him. I remember those times when Evan would compliment the way I look, the way I move, the way I do everything. I didn’t believe him at first but he kept on telling it again and again that I believed him. It’s one of the many things I loved about him. he made me feel good even at my worst.

A waiter tended us and we gave our orders. The sommelier approached our table with an expensive bottle of Marsala and poured our glasses. Evan taught me the art of wine-tasting. I actually enjoyed it. We had so much fun that night that we became tipsy because we downed three different wines. We ended up leaving his car on the parking lot an hailing a cab home. But tonight, I refused to drink and opted the sparkling water instead.

Our food came which we ate in between exchanging stories. The dishes were cleared out before the waiters came back to set the platters and cutlery for our dessert. It was tiramisu which I loved. Evan was the one who enlightened me that tiramisu is an Italian dessert. I really thought it was Japanese before!

I started with my dessert when the good-looking man in front of me asked, “Did you know that tiramisu means pick me up?“Before saying “I know”, he stood from his chair and walked towards me. He kneeled at the side of my chair. Is he doing what I think he is doing? In answer to my question, he got something from his breast pocket. A small velvet box. He opened it then just before my eyes was an enormous diamond ring. It was breath taking. “Margaret, we’ve been together for quite some time now and I just feel that this is the right moment to say this. I love you. Will you pick me up from here? Will you marry me?”

Memories of my time with Evan sprang out from the back of my mind. We were happy together. I never thought I could be that happy being with someone. We were happy but there were also moments that were a big let down. Like when we got pregnant but I miscarried on the 8th week. There was that moment when we haven’t had a real conversation for days. The doctor said my uterus was not a conducive place for the baby to grow but it doesn’t mean I can’t carry a full-term baby. I just need to take some medications and take are of my health. Evan didn’t say anything bad towards me. It’s like we had a mutual silent agreement not to talk about what happened. But I still felt he is blaming me or was it my guilt making me feel that? After that, everything between us changed.

I go back to the present and to the question. Will you marry me? How do I answer that ? It’s the second time I’ve been asked with the same question. I hated close-ended question types. I cannot reason out, I cannot give excuses. I remember the first time I was asked with the same question. It was also in this restaurant. I said “yes” simply because I loved the one who asked it. Somehow, I think to myself, I wouldn’t want to dine here anymore. What am I going to say this time? I noticed that the other tables were staring at us, or at me, waiting for my response. I look back at the man kneeling in front of me. I don’t love him. But before I gave him my honest answer, my attention was caught by a couple who just entered the restaurant that my mouth was left gaping. They were holding hands, the guy was whispering something to the girl as she giggled. They stopped their tracks as they noticed the situation going on. I stared at their intertwined fingers and didn’t fail to see a big diamond ring on the girl’s finger. So it’s true, he proposed to her. He asked her to marry him. To have his babies. To spend her life with him,like, forever. Realization dawned to me. I am hopeless. I  felt my heart constrict as my mouth dried. I just felt tears running through my eyes. I stared at the man who just entered, the man who asked the first “Will you marry me?”. I mentally sent him a message. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.

Then I turned to the man proposing to me. I changed my mind. I said, “Yes Noah, I want you to make me your wife. You’re going to be a father after all. I’m 9 weeks pregnant.”

The crowd cheered while I died inside. Goodbye Evan.